Thursday, April 21, 2011

Idk anymore...

Never knowing which way to turn && which way not to turn...I feel like I always make the wrong turn when God leads me to the fork in the road!! How do I know which is the right path && which isn't??
I have an extremely difficult time admitting this, but it's time to be more honest then I've ever been before. I'm depressed to the extent that sometimes my thoughts scary me, I'm not an angry person yet it seems that's the only emotion I seem to know anymore, && all I wanna do is hide out in my dark room without anyone else coming in there!! I don't like this feeling nor do I like the fact that I can't shake this depression. Instead I just seem to keep sinking farther && farther into the dark world of depression. Do you have any ideas that might help me slowly pull myself outta this dark place??
Yes, some of what is wrong is May 6th is a year since my last miscarriage. But I noticed a change in my mood before I realized what dates were coming up soon!! I have been bottling any && all emotiobs for the last 8 years && I think it's finally catching up to me, but my painted on/forced happy face is so faded that anyone who is close to me can tell there's something wrong. Almost as if im slowly piece by piece dying from the inside out...
I don't like these feelings!!!! I want them to go away but idk how to do it on my own...yes, im slowly but surely leaning more && more on God for answers. My down fall is that I'm not a patient person && I tend to talk when I should be if you have any advice please tell me because I need any && all help I can get!!! Thank you :)
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1 comment:

  1. Honey,your not going to like my advice, and i know i should probably listen myself, because i understand that hole your falling into. Here it is. my advice to you, is call your insurance company and ask them for a number to therapist. Because need to speak to someone that can help you fight this depression, and meds that will help you do that. Samantha i am always here for you, i love you.