UGH GAH AHHHHHHHHHHHH..........

So i wonder to myself why do i let this keep happening?? I believe it every time he says "baby i love you and only you", "you're the one i wanna spend my life with", "i want to marry you and us to be happy" but yet not even 24 hours later he's at HER house...he says it's for his daughter. But what i don't get is why he goes there all the time and he does it right after he's had his daughter with him for the last 5 days. All i am is the booty call or back up plan for when she leaves you again huh?? Well i refuse to be that anymore...so i will sit here and write exactly how I'm feeling and cry my eyes out and then i guess say goodbye! It's what you want isn't it??

You know you would think after everything that i have stood by his side for and fought for with him he would realize that i AM for real and was willing to give him the moon and the stars. He use to be soooo sweet and only have time for work, angel and i and now I'm just whenever he wants someone to talk NICE to and NOT to be screamed at. Well you've made your choice and you must enjoy getting screamed at, beat on, and treated like a piece of dog shit cuz that's what you've choose. You would've had someone who TRULY loved you, pampered you, is CLEAN, doesn't live like a white trash bitch, treats you how you should be treated, and loved not only you but your ENTIRE family!! I think that you really didn't think this one through because now you have to live with someone who is NONE of what i just said you would've had with me. And when you read this don't say it's to get your daughter because you need to go the CORRECT way about getting her. As of right now you're just under that bitch's thumb right where she wants you and it seems like you like being.

As i sit here and feel heartache from all different areas i wonder to myself what would've happened if i hadn't have lost our baby...would things be different?? Would you still put me through all this hurt and heartache? Would you actually be here for both the baby and i? I wonder all those things as i sit here and cry my eyes out...If you really truly loved me i wouldn't be sitting here in all this pain and crying while you're off "playing house" with HER!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY??? I would give anything right now to be sitting here blogging and feeling the baby move and kick or even to know that you aren't LYING to me and that i really am/was the one you wanted. But I'm not she is...how come she ALWAYS wins?? Can you answer me that one little question??

You know i don't get it the other night when those immature childish people started all that crap with you and we had a serious adult conversation you actually had the nerve to question who i was talking to, hanging out with, what I've been up to and if i have been lying to you?? Was that because that's all the stuff i would've been asking you and getting you to tell me about?? I mean seriously, i know you're talking to her, hanging out with her, doing god knows what when you go over there with her, and you've been lying to me about it right?? YES, i am right because if i wasn't right i wouldn't be sitting here getting all of this out in the open and trying to feel better or even like i got everything out for you to read. I shouldn't sit here and keep being put through this yet I'm dumb enough to do it time and time again. Well i think that the time has come for you to explain and answer all my question TRUTHFULLY and then me to make my decision since you have made yours. Can you guess what mine will be??

So i guess i should end this by saying the ball is in your court and you better explain...but that doesn't mean everything will be better or go back to how it is because i AM single, i will hang out with who i want when i want, talk to who i want when i want, and i DONT have to answer to you every time i do something. So if you are man enough you can talk to me in person other then that you can just email me you excuse, oh i mean response and i will go from there on my decision!!!