Day 1...

~~~Song that reminds you of your child, or that you cant listen to anymore and why~~~

Okay, this song serves as both for my child and that i cant listen to anymore for other reasons that i will explain in full depth why and what made me decide to write about this song.

The song is Calling All Angels by Train. I cant listen to this song anymore because it is one of the songs that people have played for my baby sister that was killed in a car accident almost 8 years ago. I think that the main reason why people say that this song reminds them of Lizzy is because God was calling all Angels and she was one of them that he wanted up there with him. I know that everyone says everything happens for a reason and there are days that i believe that is true, but there are also days that i feel like that is a easy cop out so people either don't have to listen to you talk about your problems/experiences that you have went through or dealt with.


This song also reminds me of my two babies that i have lost because they are now all Angels up in heaven with God and their Aunt Lizzy. But then it also says in the song "i wont give up so you don't give up" and "Give me a sign so that i know you're here." Those are two major parts of the song that stand out to me because God, Lizzy, && my babies aren't giving up on me so i cant give up on them by not going on with life and having faith that when the time is right God will give me the gift of wonderful healthy little babies in my life. The other quote stands out to me because i feel that i see signs every single day whether it be a song coming on the radio when I'm thinking about Lizzy or my babies, or it be little things that people do or say to me. God is always giving me signs that Lizzy && the babies are safe in heaven with him.

Yes, it kills me and i have a HUGE hole in my heart from the great deal of loss i have endured in my short 21 years of life. I know that those holes will never be filled by something else because my sister and my babies aren't something that can or will ever replace. But in time i believe that my heart will start to heal to where it isn't so painful for me on a daily bases.


Even though this is a huge struggle that i have been through i believe that i live my life to the fullest and make Lizzy && the babies proud of me. But there will always be a constant reminder of the pain i have over come.